The Alan and Lola Show

some people were born to be dogs

2010-06-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

at this moment, due to my circumstances, that one day i hope to tell everyone, im sharing a house with an irish guy, ed. he went to glastonbury on tuesday and asked me to look after his two 'babies', lola and byron. they are too staffordshire bull terriers and they eat and fart like pigs, but are lovely dogs. after the lunch, byron makes a siesta with me. lola, by other side, looks more than me, shes not so lovely and lovable. she likes to be on her own and when she needs to be cuddled she asks for it. and today, i just realised i was born to be a dog. i like to stay at home all day. and, once a day, or maybe less than this, i need a little stroll. thats all i need. thats it.

som som

2010-04-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

wondering if I can post via mobile

mendigo popstar

2010-03-23T09:57:00.001-07:00

alan, commenting about the only hobo in thirsk:
-i think his name is simon. simon le bum...

Fart Food Shopping List

2009-09-02T15:37:00.002-07:00

tosco, 2/9/09

1 jar pickled artichokes
value baked beans x6
liver and bacon caserole mix
2 dozen large free range freedom eggs
1 king size bar of dairy chocolate
1 head of brocolli
5 heads of cauliflower
2 large cabbages
1 pack of 8 value beefburgers
tosco value 'curry in a can' x10
toilet paper (buy one get one free)
25kg sack of potatoes
extra hot salsa dip and nachos
2 chicken kievs
air freshener

anything else you can think of?
maybe call at the raj too, hehehe

Yo Marvin

2008-06-14T07:02:00.001-07:00

We will Lo

motel doubletake

2008-06-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

morphology

2008-05-02T10:53:00.001-07:00

brasilian expressions #001

2008-04-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

''don't let the blog go to the flies'', hehehehe

don't worry Lo, i won't

Oh hai there, happy tuesday

2008-04-22T08:06:00.001-07:00

I found this character in my kitchen draw, i dunno what on earth he does, but nice that he popped up to say hai!

Twist and shout!! hehehe

then and now

2008-04-21T12:41:00.001-07:00

an eye for an eye

2008-04-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

this was when my brother had a fight at school and got punched in the eye, heheheh

nah...

its actually a prop i made out of a broken ping pong ball,

we had been playing it on the kitchen table.

cool for catz

2008-04-21T12:06:00.000-07:00

hehehe, my fav is ^^ or maybe XD

they are all so funny. Why does ellie never pull such faces? Maybe i need to feed her special food or make her watch monty python or something, hehhe.

Oh hai...a variation on a theme

2008-04-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

family

2008-04-21T11:49:00.001-07:00

oh hai series

2008-04-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

hahaha

Devon 1998-the accomodation

2008-04-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

like your dad, my dad never wants to spend more money than he has too, and actually we couldnt afford anything better than the three bed caravan...yes, i know..there were six of us.

this meant that my mum and racheal shared a bed, my brothers another, head to toe, and me and dad swapped sleeping one night in the bed, one night on the floor, hehehe.

sleeping on the floor was ok except it was freezing cold, rock hard and there were lots of spiders about the place...so actually, looking back, it wasnt ok at all! hehehe.

the caravan seemed as small as our car and with us all inside the heat was rediculous, also the paintwork inside and the window frames were suffering from the heat, peeling and cracking...the walls looked like the wrinkled face of a 90 year old.

With all this heat we got very sweaty and so my mum and rach decided to use the shower.

Lola, you have never seen such a disgusting shower...the head of it was encrusted with mold and limescale..all yellowy and rancid...the water hardly got through all this scum. Then the tiles, which were supposed to be white were actually an off-grey like a corpse, there were cobwebs and insects. But the worst thing was two leeches near the taps, ewww, sick. How on earth the campsite owner expected anyone to bath in there was beyond us all.

So, hehehe, my mum and sister ended up bathing in the sea, with their shower gel and smellies foaming up the surf. It was like we were gypsies, bathing in rivers and the sea...was all very hippy...or was it more that we had no money to stay at a proper campsite?

Devon 1998- the journey from hell

2008-04-18T10:58:00.002-07:00

For the first time in many years, after a lot of scrimping and saving, the whole family were going on a summer holiday.
At 2am, with yawns and bloodshot eyes we set off on the 7hour, long-haul drive to devon.
All of us, packed in like sleepy sardines in our clapped out, ultra unreliable, defunct, 4th hand renault.
The car always smelt strange after one day dave had left an ice cream in the sun and it melted into the fabric of the seats giving off a horrible sour odour.
We always set off so early to avoid the traffic and arrive in devon so we had a full day ahead. However, this meant that my sister and brothers wanted their bedcovers with them, which raised the temperture in the car so it was hotter than a mexicans breakfast.

My mum is a nervous traveller and so the atmosphere in the front of the car was tense, especially everytime we passed a lorry...''stephen!'' my mum would say.
To calm herself she would smoke cigarette after rotten cigarette, smoking out the oxygen, leaving everyone else feeling sick and suffocated. Racheal was actually sick when we pulled into the service station...and yes, there were carrots! and a clean up and 30 minute delay.
I would wind down my window to get fresh air, but this would make tom cold, he'd complain and then dave would tell him to shut up, they would argue, racheal would get pushed and kicked and start screaming, the entire backseat was like a wrestling ring, hehehe.
Except the best fighter, my mum, was in the front...whenever there was a big arguement or a fight she would turn around in her seat and threaten to smack us, hehehe.
And on a couple of occassions during this trip she said..in a temper..''right, that's it, stephen, turn the car around, i've had enough, we dont deserve a nice holiday, its ruined'' or ''if you dont pack it in fighting david and thomas....i'll count to three...ooooone, twoooooooo.....three!'' and slap poor tom on the leg. I had my walkman on, trying to drown out the shouting with metallica.
Oh i forgot to mention all the luggage was piled around our legs and on my lap, because the car-boot couldnt hold it all. Was so cramped and uncomfortable, especially with my long legs...'move over, give me some room...oi, your on my leg...racheal, get off me''

When we stopped for petrol my mum would go and buy these awful cheewy sweets...opal fruits, the type of sweet that leaves your mouth dry and flavourless. It was always a joke cos we all asked for chocolate bars and waited to see what she was bringing back...and we'd all cry in unison..''opal fruits!! noooooooooooooooo!'' hehehe, but being kids of course we ate them all.

This journey was a real living nightmare, it took over 8 hours and by the time we arrived, everyone was shattered, i dunno how my dad stayed awake and held his concentration driving in our mobile zoo. ohhh, happy days, heehe. and this was just the journey.

my worst trip

2008-04-18T10:58:00.001-07:00

well, my dad is the world's biggest scrooge so, we always spent vacation in são paulo (from curitiba to são paulo is just 5 hours by car hehehe, what a great trip!!!). but the worst thing is that he never wanted to pay for a decent hotel, so we always stayed in awful hotels. imagine a hotel of a vincent price movie (with spiderwebs and broken floor) and that would be the waldorf astoria compared to the hotels we were hosted.

my dad was good on finding treme-tremes (translation: shake-shakes, hehe), hotels which rooms were rented by prostitutes and drug dealers, it was awful. i still remember, when i was 13 yo, me and my cousin regina watching, by the window, a shemale arguing with her client. that was funny. and once my mom almost killed my dad when she saw my sister ana paula, who was 10 yo, watching tv in the communitary room with the hookers.

musical ode's to hostels

2008-04-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

Heres some songs inspired by the many wonderful hostels around the world...

slam dunk da bunk(beds)-five
hostel california-the eagles
f**king hostel-pantera
(cracked) mirror in the bathroom-the english beat
wherever i lay my hat, thats my hostel-marvin gaye
sweet hostel alabama-lynyrd skynyrd
songs from a room(£21 per night/per person)-leonard cohen
cheap trip-janis joplin
hostel chelsea nights-ryan adams
this hostel is not for sale-ryan adams
wonder(where they found such gawdy paper to decorate the)wall-oasis
fun, fun, fun-the beach boys
ch-ch-checkin' out(before 12am)-the beastie boys
smells like teen spirit, ewwww-nirvana
she came in through the bathroom window(because we missed the curfew)-the beatles
ants in the (communal) kitchen-masters of reality
room with a view(onto a brick wall)-noel coward
discographia-sonic youth(hostel)
back(packers) in black-ac/dc
bloody tourists-10cc
dreadlock holiday(some rastas in the dorm next to our room)-10cc
the (land)lady dont mind(if we're in late)-talking heads

bet you can think of a million better examples :)

hostels

2008-04-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

hmmmm, best bring your own bedding, sheets, covers, duvet, oh and the yellow stains on the matresses, ewwww, its part of the pattern...hehehehe

hostels

2008-04-17T22:33:00.001-07:00

Breakfast at the mary celeste hostel, hehehe

Hey Lola, look an egg! EGGS!

hostels

2008-04-17T22:31:00.001-07:00

Lola, its the hostel ikea

hostels

2008-04-17T22:30:00.001-07:00

Lo, this is clearly a hostel for tourist house plants...look that tree going into his room. The floor reminds me of the movie asylum...hey what a great name for a hostel! hehehe

hostels

2008-04-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

''Darling?...
Yes dear?...
aren't we supposed to be on holiday?...
no dearest...
Oh...
now read your paper while i sketch aimlessly.''

hostels

2008-04-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

Intoducing the worlds first hostel...in a train
lunchtime on the orient express hostel

bunk bed showroom

2008-04-17T17:47:00.002-07:00

Yeah so we found some old blue and stripped wrapping paper to decorate the walls, effective eh?....oh, the guests? well, i'm sure they will be back soon to collect their bags. hehehe

hostels

2008-04-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

alan, i bet 100 dollars how theres a rat living in the condicioned air

hostels

2008-04-17T17:46:00.001-07:00

oh, hai

2008-04-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

hahaha, in a hostel?

hostels

2008-04-17T17:42:00.000-07:00

doctor spencer, room a-1...

calling doctor spencer

hostels

2008-04-17T17:41:00.000-07:00

the apprentice

hostels

2008-04-17T17:36:00.001-07:00

erm......no!

hostels

2008-04-17T17:35:00.001-07:00

lafayette international hostel. its obvious they put this bedcover to mix the dirty with the patterns. the sunlight enters in the room. i have this carpet in my kitchen. this bedcover could hide some vomit on it, specially the orange one (carrots heheh)

Topic of the day: appalling decor hostels

2008-04-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

decor by count dracula